Culture Shock.

I am experiencing reverse culture shock. It's really kind of annoying. I don't feel bad about being American or having all that I have. But I feel kind of like God liked me more when I was in India. I don't know why I feel that way, and I don't particularly know what to do about it.

It's harder here. Harder to read my Bible often. Harder to pray as much. Harder to be as focussed on Him. Maybe it's because my family support network has fallen, in a way. I am not with them all the time anymore.

I miss them.
Jordan and her words of wisdom.
Hannah and her singing during Nerts.
Steve and his Indian dancing.
Daniel and his never-ending iPod songs.
Kyle and his godliness and leadership ability.

I miss mango talks and mean monkeys. I miss walking everywhere and buying food from street vendors. I miss the honking and the crazy driving and the segmented sidewalks (okay, maybe not that last one). I miss being invited to people's homes, drinking tea, and talking about life and what is really important.

I think that really, I miss feeling like what I was doing mattered - REALLY MATTERED. I don't want to miss that. I don't want to feel like I am dispensable.

I am excited for August to come so I can be "home" with my family. Not just Jordan, Hannah, Steve, Daniel, and Kyle. But Addi. Oh, how I miss my OCBF and her love. And Dani and her silliness. And Kim and her shared love for all things Disney. And the others. Sarah. Roy. Emily. And Mission Center lovelies.

It will be sad not to see my graduate friends, like Julie and Jessica and Kelly and Emily.

But that's life. You grow up, you move on to greater things. Sad.

Challenges.

I am almost (but not quite) home. I have been in two countries and 3 states in the last 30 hours or so. Soon, I can make that 4 states.

I did something that was very difficult yesterday. I hurt someone very deeply, and for that I am sorry. But I know that God has a plan, and I will follow it.

Already I miss The Family. Playing Nerts and New Solitaire. Hannah's random ramblings. Bursting into song. Toilet Talks. Momos and Samosas and CHAI!!! Rickshaw rides. Honking. Noise. Business.

America is too clean, too orderly, and too fat.

Last Day Of So Much.

Tomorrow is our last day in India.

My heart is crying, but not about saying goodbye to this place. It's crying about saying goodbye to people, to histories, to stories, to memories, to possibilities.

I am seeking God more and more as I try to decipher His will and His words. Man, it's hard.

Debriefing was this morning. Shopping this afternoon. I still have not found a kurta. Perhaps I won't.

Home. Home. Home.

Maybe if I click my heels together three times, I will be there, with all of this behind me. All of THIS. This hurt and this pain and this sorry-ness. But it probably won't happen. That's the thing with life. You have to LIVE it. You can't just sit by and hope something happens to you. It might, but sometimes you have to do it. Sometimes you have to get up, and take that first step into the unknown, knowing that the Lord will take your hand and lead you down the twisty, dark, scary path.

I'm about to take my first step. I'm holding out my hand, knowing in my head that God will take it, but not really knowing in my heart that He will.

Sometimes you just need a good cry.
Like right now.

India In A Nut Shell.

In Asia.

God is teaching me so much, and testing me just as much:
Am I willing to pour out my perfume, as Mary did in John 12:3?
Am I willing to let Him be my hiding place, as in Psalm 32:7?
Am I willing to give up my wishes and desires, knowing that His are so much greater?

We rode elephants, were charged by rhinos, and scared away monkeys.
Too often, I feel like an animal in a zoo because of all the staring.
Rarely do people speak English.
I never want to wear a salwar again :)

I love the team.

Le DASH a
random singing
Hannah being funny
sharing twin beds
Steve's morning chai
mango talks at night

This morning we went to a Hindi Catholic service.

I miss home. About two more weeks, then I'm there.

My Day.

7:23am - wake up
8:00am - go to breakfast at Denny's with Jessica.

Oh, how I shall miss her. We had a wonderful conversation over a delightful breakfast.

9:20am - check out Megan
9:40am - check out Beth
10:00am - FAIL A MATH TEST.

For real, I'm pretty sure (but not 100% positive) that I failed it, since I didn't even understand half the questions. The ones I did understand, I guessed on. There's only one question (literally) that I think I got right. The rest? Not so much.

11:00am - call Shaun sobbing about math test, proclaiming that I am dumb and should never be a teacher.
12:00pm - lunch with Dani
1:00pm - Sno-Cone date with my CML buddy!

Why, oh why, do I become good friends with those who are older than me????? Helena, Amandas, Jessica, CML Buddy.... why?

2:00pm - go to storage unit, bank, and tanning with Monica
4:00pm - check out Keah
5:00pm - start getting ready for my birthday date!!
6:23pm - leave for birthday date!

With my cute dress on, hair curled, and longboard in hand.

I Leave In Six Days.

It looks better... right?

All the stuff stacked up by my desk is ready to go. The rest... not so much.

A professor and I had quite the heart-to-heart today and some of the things she wrote in a test of mine were quite true. I need to reflect on them more.

I'm done with Social Studies now, and Ed. Psych.
All that's left to do is take the Elementary Math I test,
Pack,
Go to WalMart,
Find $600 for my malaria prescription,
Pack,
Go to the Awanas cookout,
Check out girls,
Etc.

Tomorrow is my birthday date with Shaun!
I think we are going to Pheonix.

I leave and turn 21 in six days.
Whoa.

I had something else to say.
I sold my fridge today for $50 to an awesome girl.
We've had many fridge talks lately, and I think we will continue them next year. I might even make us T-shirts.

Ha. Speaking of money, I deposited a LOT of money into my bank account today for my travels. I felt pretty important, I won't lie.

I bought iTunes songs last night. I like them. One of the songs I got is called "One Voice" by The Wailin' Jenny's. It's so mellow and has such nice lyrics that it just calms me down immensely.

God always provides. My malaria prescription? Not at all $600 like the doctor said. It was only $40. Praise the Lord (literally) for insurance! (And thanks, Mom!!!) I also bought snacks tonight for Asia, and hand sanitizer and sunblock. SPF 45. :)

When I get back from Asia, my arms, face, and feet are going to be tan... and the rest of me isn't. It'll look funny in my sleeveless, knee length, V-neck bridesmaid's dress!

Did I mention that in ONE week it is my birthday?
I'll be 21.
TWENTY-ONE.
Yup, that's right.